just wondering

For the past almost three months and even before that I have been looking at everything in terms of "when I have a job." I knew (rather, I hoped) my unemployment was temporary, so I tried not to get involved in too much or make too many plans for fear I would have to reprioritize and reschedule once I started my variable freelance work, part-time job, or full-time job. Now that I am on the eve of starting my job and a few short weeks away from actually earning an income, I'm wondering what I should do.

In college (and even high school) I was limited to the few activities I had already chosen: the newspaper, my classes, my internship, swimming, and socializing. Here I have a blank slate. A beaded bag just waiting to be filled. Now that I possess this freedom to do what I like I feel paralyzed by it. Maybe I don't want to join a swim team. Maybe, with the winter looming, I don't want to purchase a bike and try to be a triathlete. Maybe I don't want to take a cooking, yoga, photography, or art class (they're all ridiculously expensive anyway). Maybe I don't want to pick up guitar again or learn a new instrument. Maybe I don't want to freelance. Maybe I don't want to write the Great American Novel (or Short Story). Maybe with nearly ten hours of my daylight committed to work and transportation there there's no time for anything else. If I load everything up now, then, like college, I will have no time to be flexible: spend a quiet night at home with my boyfriend, go out with a promising new friend, curl up in all the blankets and scarves I can find when it's 20-below outside and read a book, go to sleep early. I always loathed that my jam-packed schedule in high school and college didn't permit me to be spontaneous. Now I'm wondering if I really want that spontaneity: whether I will still feel busy and purposeful or just plain idle if I have it.